i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
