I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
