is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
