You kept calling me your small dog last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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