You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
