She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize
