I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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