I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
