I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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