Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
