I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
