I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
