All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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