from now on my penis is your penis
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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