I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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