the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
