so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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