I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
