There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
