Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
