O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
