You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
