he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
