Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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