You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
