and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
