I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
