that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
