my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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