fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
