the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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