the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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