It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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