So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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