i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
