Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
