Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
