so that wasnt chicken after all
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
