he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
