She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You may now shotgun with the bride
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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