Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
