C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My ass is underappreciated
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
