What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
