I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
