I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
