would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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