I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
