I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
