facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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