she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
