i think my mom watched the whole time
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
