Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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