i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
