So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
