So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
